she would be okay with that
by PerfectlyLovely
Summary: N/S season three-future. She smiles sadly and he knows he's done forever.


A&N: based on true events.

::

It's something about summertime that always leads those two back together.

It's a two-week window from the time summer ends to the time she's supposed to leave for Brown. It's still hot, very hot and with Blair still in Paris and Chuck getting ready to go again she's bored, and lonely. She spends her days shopping around the same stores and walks until she realizes she's sick of Manhattan and gets a taxi to her mother's place in the Hamptons.

She tries to forget Nate and their past and for once break ties with the UES and start new at Brown.

But she can't, she never can and she doesn't think she ever will.

It's always been them, them and summer. But now it's just her. She spends the first two days in bed, hangover after another. She watches old movies and eats nothing but peanut butter m&m's and pop-tarts.

Their food.

She thinks she may be sick.

::

The sun wakes her up the next morning and she takes it with heart and puts her mermaid hair in a ponytail and goes on a three mile run. She comes back with her heart in her ears and suddenly the tears begin to flow.

::

She wipes them off and blames it on the heat and once a sundress in slipped on she goes on a 5000 dollar shopping spree and feels a little better and a little more like Blair. She texts her friend later that night and soon her eyes get blurry. Nate's in town.

::

She makes herself busy, well not really but running and tanning take up most of her day and soon his name is only in her head most of the day.

It's a start, she thinks.

She stares at him face to face the next afternoon and she curses herself for trying to realize stuff so soon.

"Hey S." He whispers. She mumbles back before sinking into his arms, his hand resting on her hip like always and she breathes into his neck. "Why are you here?" "Why'd you leave?" He asks at the same thing.

::

They sleep in the next morning and get up to make omelets and pancakes and coffee and of course pop-tarts, Serena brings up as he licks the cherry frosting off her lips. "Hmm S." She giggles while his hand slips under and soon it's just how they've always been. Undeniable.

"I don't want you to leave the city." He says later that day while their laying in the grass. She sighs and throws the grass pile she had been picking. "We match S, I mean if I could just…" She cuts him off and smiles. "Stop." Then kisses him. "We'll be fine."

::

The get high a lot, Nate buys a whole stash to last over a month and soon it's just them lying on the beach watching the pinks and purples. He rubs her shoulders and she almost sleeps in his lap. She thinks a lot if only everything was like this. She'd be okay with that.

Soon there only at a week left then 6 days then 5 and when four comes around he finds her crying in their bed when he comes home from golf one morning. "Serena, baby what's wrong." "I can't do this." She whispers saying what she does best. She's gonna run. He nods no and rubs her back before she falls asleep again and then sighs to himself.

When is anything gonna be different.

She wakes up next him later that night and he's tracing her hips and thighs and she kisses his cheek. "I love you Nate." "I love you too S." He says. "It's not enough though." She says to him when he falls back asleep.

::

The next morning he finds her clothes all over the place and knows she's gone. He doesn't even look at the note on the counter, just sits down with a cup of coffee. She's gone and he's done.

He thinks she'd be okay with that.

::

He excels at Columbia, top in his class and when senior year rolls around he finds his "best man" invitation to Blair and Chuck's wedding and for the first time in a long time he wonders about her.

::

The weddings beautiful, everything goes down without a hitch and Blair comes up for a big hug after and Chuck gleams at him the whole night. He dances with all the bridesmaids but always has one eye wandering.

Where is she?

He's on his third glass of champagne when he sees her. She's gotten tanner, if possible and her hairs more choppy. She looks like the perfect supermodel she is and he wonders for the first time in a long time why he let her go.

He's about to go up when he sees her turn around. She's got a belly and when he wonders who is the…suddenly Carter shows up.

She spots his darkened eyes and hers bulge as she tells Carter to hold on for a second and soon he's engulged with the same smell that's been haunting him for the past three years. Strawberries and rain.

::

"Hey Natie." She says small as he scans her newly grown body. "Hi S." He manages to choke out before she gives him that smile. "How are you Blair told me about Columbia and I just think that…" He cuts her off with "Why'd you leave?" She shuts up very quickly and shakes her blonde head. "I was scared, scared about the way you made me feel and I just wasn't ready. I don't think I ever was for you." He looks down and nods. "And now you're with Carter." He says more as a statement than a question.

She smiles sadly and he knows he's done forever. "I met back up with him in Brazil and…things happened Nate I was in a dark place back then and he's pulled me out of it. I'm sorry."

Nate swallows hard and whispers things she can't understand until she sees's Carter ready to leave. "I coulda given you everything." He says as she turns back towards him. "I know, you just deserved more." Serena says for the last time and smiles sadly before turning to go, one hand on her rounded belly and another in her hair.

He's standing there trying to capture every detail, sink into every moment so his brain won't forget that this is the last time he'll see her. And with the last swish of blonde gone he sinks into the leather bar seat and raises his glass.

He thinks she'd be okay with that.


End file.
